Saturday, May 10, 2014

Mothers Day

It's been just over 2 months since my mother passed away.

At times my mind doesn't believe she has left. 
67 is far to young to leave. There was so much she wanted to do and so much we wanted her to be apart of, but her illness didn't care.

There are times that it seems as though it was yesterday since I was sitting beside her. Talking. Laughing. Holding her hand. 
I even reach for my phone to call her and realize that I  had cancelled her home phone number. So I couldn't hear her voice on her birthday this year.
I couldn't sing her the birthday song.

Tomorrow is mothers day and I again wont be able to see or talk to her.
Wont hear her laugh. Wont hold her hand.

If you have a mother, wife or loved one.. appreciate them as much as you can, when you can. Laugh with them, smile with them, hold them, and share your love with them. Our time is precious and the time we spend with each other is to short.

I hope each of you has a heartfelt, beauty-filled Mothers Day.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Year in Review

This last year has been one of the more difficult experiences of my life.

It tested my sense of family, my view of mortality, my character, and my sense of self. It made question who I was and who I wanted to be.

I had often quoted "Do I live to work or work to live" but did I know what it meant? 

Reality has a way of testing us. Testing our beliefs. Testing the fabric of our being. 

Was I a mask? Did I only let people see what I wanted? Or am I authentic to myself and those around me...?

Life tests us... Our Faith... our perspectives...

I thought I was a healer, but felt like I failed.
Did I? Or did I give all that I could and was all that I offered accepted in how it needed to be.

I strove to be present.... but was I?
Did I devote all of my energy and who I was to the people I was with?
Or was I only partially available.

Life hurts... it bears our hearts and souls to all of those around us and rubs us raw when we least expect it. It rips us open so that we have to expose our tears, our hurt, our laughter, our joy, our love to the those around us that love us.

Life also teaches us when we are ready to listen.
Being present and being willing to receive shows us all the connections around us. Friends, family, nature and even animals show us the beauty when we are in the darkest of our moments. 

It is also ok to love and be loved. It is also ok to be vulnerable. Most importantly its ok to hurt. It means that we are loving others and being vulnerable.

I hope I have learned the lessons from last year and apply them on a daily basis. I hope that this next lesson is learned more easily.